Frankenpooh
by iamthegang
Summary: Piglet tells a story to his friends.


It was the sort of crisp and sparkling autumn afternoon in the Hundred Acre Wood that filled the heart of a very small animal with a story bursting to be told and desperate to be listened to.

And, at Piglet's house, where he had just finished hosting a small tea for his friends Rabbit, Pooh, Tigger and Gopher, Piglet quietly announced that telling a story was just what he was going to do!

Tigger leaped out of the overstuffed armchair he was sharing with Rabbit and Gopher to where Piglet was standing nervously on the hearth.

"Is it a ghost story full o' spookables an' horribibble creatures? Or," said Tigger with a gasp, "is it about a MAD-scientist type?"

"Oh no!" Piglet protested. "Not mad at all! Quite happy and cheerful, really."

Then he began the story. "Once upon a time…"

Tigger listened for a moment, then interrupted. "Say, it's broad daylight! Even a not-so-scary story has to happen at night, ya know!"

The picture in Piglet's head of a beautiful castle on a bright summer's day suddenly grew very dark. "Oh dear," he said to himself.

"An'," said Tigger, "a nice thunderstorm wouldn't hurt, either!"

Piglet's ears drooped as his imagination included a fierce thunderstorm crashing and rattling around the castle in his story.

But Piglet wasn't ready to give up. He had a story to tell and he was going to tell it his way if no one minded very much.

Piglet thought about what glorious snacks he could whip up in a spotlessly neat and busily buzzing laboratory if he were a pleasant and very cheerful scientist. He wasn't a bit mad. He wasn't even slightly annoyed. Not even at Tigger.

"Mmm," Piglet said as he imagined the scientist holding a dripping sandwich. "Peanut butter and jelly. My favourite. And so very good for you, too!"

Then Tigger suddently gasped, interrupting Piglet's story.

"What is it?" Piglet said demandingly. "What is it?"

"If you're gonna tell a story about a scientist," Tigger said, "he ought to at least be doin' something terribibble, like creatin' a boogly, boogly MONSTER!"

"A monster?" Piglet said in a tiny, not-so-hopeful-that-the-story-was-going-to-go-his- way sort of voice.

"Yeah!" said Tigger. "The monster…FRANKENPOOH!"

The scientist looked at Frankenpooh with mixed feelings. Pooh? A MONSTER?

"Yeah!" Tigger said. "That's absoposilutely perfect. Only he oughta be bigger than that!"

And at once Frankenpooh grew bigger! And bigger and bigger until the very small scientist felt very small indeed!

"Oh bother," said Frankenpooh with a sigh as he bumped his head on the ceiling.

"Now _that's_ what I call a monster," Tigger said with satisfaction. "Hoo-hoo-hoo!"

The very small scientist ran around the monster's feet in a frightened flurry of activity, shouting, "Oh help me! Oh save me!"

"This is very terrorfryin'," Tigger said in delight.

The monster Frankenpooh, after much think-think-thinking and scratching of his oversized ears, reached a monstrous conclusion.

"I want…honey?" he said in a voice so loud he surprised himself.

And he went looking for a not-so-small smackerel of something sweet to eat.

"Honey!" he said again, just because he liked the sound of it.

"And the monster Frankenpooh," said Tigger, "went lookin' high and low for whatever it is monster Frankenpoohs look for."

"Honey!" yelled Frankenpooh again.

"An' the villages skedaddled for life and lumber," Tigger said. "Trembling in your socks, aren't ya? Clinging to the edge of your seats? But there's so stoppin' the gigantical monstrous monstrosity!"

"An' everybody was up to their necks in arms," Tigger continued, because they knew who it was that responsibibble for the horribibblest monster that was terrorfryin' them."

"Oh d-d-dear," said the scientist with a moan as he found himself surrounded by the full-of-wrath villagers.

"Help!" said the scientist. "Stop that story Please! It was an accident! I didn't mean to do it! I just wanted it to be a nice, not-so-scary story."

And Piglet opened his eyes to discover himself back on the hearth of his very own fireplace, surrounded by his good friends Tigger, Rabbit and Gopher.

"But, Piglet," said Tigger, "it was nothin' to get so upset about."

"It was just a s-s-silly story," whistled Gopher.

"Of course, Piglet," said Rabbit gently. "There was no monster. And no one's angry at you."

Piglet looked around in great relief. "No?" he asked in a small voice.

"No," all his friends said reassuringly.

After his friends had settled Piglet in his favourite armchair and given him a cup of his favourite hot chocolate, Rabbit put his arm comfortingly around Piglet's very small shoulder.

"You really should learn the difference between what's real and what isn't," Rabbit said gently to Piglet. "Shouldn't he, POOH?"

"Yes, Piglet," said the very large and Frankenpooh-looking bear, "you really should. And so should I."

Then he emitted quite the largest Pooh Bear sort of sigh they had ever heard.

"Oh bother."

And Pooh did eventually get the story straightened out in his head full of fluff, and returned to the convenient size proper to the amounts of honey required to feed and always hungry bear.


End file.
